just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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