Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
