Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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