On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
