So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
