Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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