you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
