Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
