I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
