god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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