i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
