I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
