Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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