I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
