sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
