kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
