well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Someone came in the potted fern
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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