if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
