I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
