Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
