I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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