I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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