There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
