first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
