Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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