we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
