just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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