im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
