Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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