she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm passing your future prison.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
