you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
