I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
