You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
