I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
