goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
