I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
