I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
