I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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