I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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