He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
