Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
