He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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