hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
