none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
