idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
