No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
