if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
