saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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