hotel room ftw
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
