I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
