i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We need a shit load of segways right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have post one night stand depression
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