Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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