She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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