She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
