I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
