turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
