I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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